After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
Most men's anger about religion is as if two men should quarrel for a lady that neither of them care for.
As a manager, you always have a gun to your head. It's a question of whether there is a bullet in the barrel. , 1995
Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver. Finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.
You know, I am so romantic sometimes I think I should just marry myself., Monster, Inc
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Flattery won't hurt if you don't swallow it.
Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises.
Die, verb: To stop sinning suddenly.
Retreat, hell! We're just advancing in another direction.