Never argue with a fool, he may be doing the same thing.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it
Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have a film.
If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at them but I'd hate to own one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
If one learn from one's mistakes then I am getting a fantastic education.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!