Law and Lawyers
A lawyer sent a text to his another lawyer friend
Lawyer 1: Hey Bro, need your support. She is online and said "I love you". What should I do?
Lawyer 2: First of all take a screenshot, documentation is most important!
Overheard while sitting in a court, after a girl passed by.
Advocate 1: She has a Supreme Court figure.
Advocate 2: What do you mean?
Advocate 1: No Appeal!
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator!
Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife?
Husband: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches!
"You've been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren't you ashamed to own to that?"
"No, your honour. I don't think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions!"
What is a contingent fee?
If the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing;
And if the lawyer does win it, you get nothing!
Lawyer: the larval stage of a politician!
When lawyers die, why are they buried in holes 20 feet deep?
Because deep down, they're all nice guys.
Lawyer: Why do you want a divorce?
Woman: Every time I sit on my husband's lap, he starts dictating!
Woman: My husband has flat feet. Is that grounds for divorce?
Lawyer: Not unless his feet visit the wrong flat.
Lawyer: You want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?
Woman: Yes, he hasn't showed up in 18 months!
Lawyer: What did your husband do before you divorced him?
Woman: A lot of things I didn't know about!
Lawyers talk how doctors write!
Lawyer: You say you're divorcing your husband for health reasons?
Woman: Yes, I'm sick of him!
It's better to have loved and lost, than to have won and paid a lump sum to a lawyer!